"Stress and your Mind"

Making to nights blog short and to the point, I'm ill. Stress will keep you up at night, will make the mind do tricks. Last night I let my mind get the better of me, kept telling my self I was losing it. Up all night tossing, turning thinking I'm suicidal, in morning realized it was something I had eaten. Have a few tokes at night to help talk to the "God's" or someone, can't reach the under World, or other World, without it. When ill it seems to take a turn to the self examination, and got my own bummers in their. Quit smoking totally four months ago or so, with drawing from last of chemicals still in system. Like a heroin or any other physical addiction, this is painful, the old DT's only tobacco. Quit smoking so the next step was get to dentist for cleaning and some fillings. Had seven or eight dental visits, all required novacaine, being vegetarian only weigh 140 pounds at 6 feet, it feel like I'm going through cocaine withdrawals. Last night was hell, but been through worst things mentally. Hard to find something cheerful to write about with whats going on around us now. The World is such a different place after 911. Using ginkgo tea to help cleans my arteries and blood after smoking so long. With knowlege comes pain, what you didn't know before is now so clear and painful. Trying to life as pure as one can, brings lonely "Time's", tried living this life style in my youth,people don't want to be reminded of their weaknesses. Then I couldn't maintain the isolation, failed, now I'm older, so for the last twenty years or so I've kept it up. My kids know how I live is their path, but they are weak from peer pressure, still love them, understand. Trying to maintain this life style while not making others feel weak is imposible. Can't eat holiday meals with others because of it, I'm always sooner or later the target, no fun. bye PS Take my bike out for a ride to calm myn mind.